WORDS TO LIVE BY, OR NOT
‘‘YOU CAN SLEEP IN A CAR, BUT YOU CAN’T RACE A HOUSE’’
‘‘IF YOU GO TO WORK EVERYDAY TO SUPPORT YOUR RACE CAR, IT IS NO LONGER AN EXPENSE, BUT RATHER A SOURCE OF INCOME’’
‘‘RACING HAS RUINED A LOT OF GOOD MARRIAGES, MARRIAGE HAS RUINED A LOT OF GOOD RACERS’’
‘‘IF I HAD ALL THE MONEY I’VE SPENT RACING, I COULD PROBABLY AFFORD TO GO RACING’’
BAR STOOL RACER WAITING TO BE MOUNTED ON SKIIS
LITTLE BO CREEP FOUND HIS SHEEP, AND IS WAITING TO GO DOWN THE HILL
RACES CANCELED, BELLIED UP TO THE BAR AT CLUB 74
TRACK SHAPED POOL TABLE
MAX THE GOAT. WE TOOK HIM TO KNOXVILLE AS OUR MASCOT. BEST PET I EVER HAD, FOR A WEEK. LOVED HIMSELF SOME TATER CHIPS AND CIGARETTE BUTTS. R.I.P. MAX
A CHRISTMAS STORY
A COUPLE YEARS AGO, TWO PEOPLE HAD A CHANCE MEETING. AFTER A SHORT COURTSHIP, THEY DECIDED TO SPEND THEIR LIVES TOGETHER IN WEDDED BLISS. YES THERE WAS CHILDREN INVOLVED, BUT THE HOUSE SEEMED SOMEWHAT EMPTY. SO ALONG CAME BABY EMMA. EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS BORN IN SEPTEMBER, ONE COULD ARGUE THAT EMMA WAS / IS A CHRISTMAS BABY, AS SHE WAS CONCEIVED AFTER A ROUSING GAME OF ‘STRIP PRESENT WRAPPING’. NOW,I’M NOT REAL SURE OF THE RULES TO THIS GAME,BUT I DO KNOW THAT I WON.
SOON, THE TWO OF US AND ALL FIVE KIDLETS MOVED TO THE COUNTRY. IT WAS A QUAINT LITTLE HOME, AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN AS ‘THE COMPOUND’. THAT’S BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE WE SHOULD HAVE A SIX FOOT HIGH FENCE ALL AROUND, AND SIT IN LAWN CHAIRS WITH LOADED SHOT GUNS WAITING FOR THE FBI TO SHOW UP. BUT I DIGRESS.
AS THE NEXT CHRISTMAS ROLLED AROUND, I DECIDED WE NEEDED A FAMILY CHRISTMAS TRADITION. THE WAY I SEE IT, CHRISTMAS IS FOR LITTLE ONES, AND ALL ABOUT THE MEMORIES THAT ARE CREATED WHEN A PERSON IS YOUNG. WHO AMONG US DOESN’T GET A WARM FUZZY FEELING WHEN WE REMINISCE ABOUT CHRISTMAS MORNINGS OF YESTERYEAR. GETTING UP AND RUSHING TO SEE WHAT SANTA BROUGHT, THE BIG TURKEY DINNER WITH GRANDMA AND ALL OUR AUNTS, UNCLES,AND COUSINS. AHHHHHHH THE MEMORIES. AND THE TREES WERE ALWAYS PERFECT. TALL, FULL, DECORATED JUST SO.
I DO SEE A PROBLEM WITH THE TREE, HOWEVER. FIRST OF ALL, THE HASSLE. CUT IT DOWN. WATER IT EVERY DAY. ALL THE NEEDLES. SECOND, WHAT SORT OF SPECIAL TRADITION IS IT WHEN EVERYONE HAS ONE? THIRD, IF BABY JESUS WAS BORN IN THE DESERT, WHERE DID THE PINE TREE COME FROM? I’VE BEEN IN THE DESERT A FEW TIMES, AND NEVER SAW ONE THERE. AFTER DEEP THOUGHT, I HAD IT. THE PERFECT FAMILY TRADITION.
BEHOLD, THE CHRISTMAS FENDER
OH, SOME SAY ‘IT AIN’T RIGHT’ (MY WIFE, PARENTS, ETC.) AND THAT’S FINE FOR THEM. BUT ONE THING I’M SURE OF. OUR KIDS WILL REMEMBER THE CHRISTMAS FENDER AND ALL IT REPRESENTS. SO FROM ALL OF US TO ALL OF YOU, MERRY CHRISTMAS!